THE NINE SOULS OF WILDE CUNNINGHAM, PART IV

Continued from Friday...

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaamlet," lilone Sandgrain wails at me, when I tell her I'm talking with Angelique about Micah’s flirtation techniques. "Why? Wwwwwwwwhy would it matter if he flirts in real life? I think most men do, or want to in a way that's theirs."

"Yeah," I observe, "but a man who's disabled risks some pretty awful responses or even facial reactions, I'd imagine."

Before she answers, lilone first describes to me the policies that her care center abide by, regarding romances and the personal lives of their clients. "[N]ow couple that with the risk and often heart breaks with online relationships, I don't think i could find a waiver which covers that. Not one big enough."

So her strong reaction against online romances the previous day seems more understandable now. What's more, several of the wildes aren't necessarily interested in them, to begin with.

"Yeah, we have two people in wilde who are in relationships in real life," she says, then stops and recounts. "No, three. Two of them have been a couple 50 years." (That would be Danny and Johanna.) "One about six months, one has been married and divorced... You could say Scott has a love, too. She recently left the program but is still with us in heart/spirit."

All that said, lilone continues. "When we play in-world during program hours, we won't be focusing on romance, but would safely support it, as best we could. All the members of wilde experience all the same feelings and emotions you and I do. They know shame. Their whole lives, all of them. Disabilities carry shame inherently. Strong shame. They almost always feel shame. Or could at the drop of a pin."

"Yes," I say, chastened. "And that's why I wonder if being able to flirt in Second Life like this is a unique thing for Micah."

"Maybe in the sense that he’s not scolded for it. In real life he'd be scolded. That’s one way Second Life frees him. They miss a lot of the bad things real life has...

"Sorry for the strong reaction," she adds, after a bit. "Guess I was being protective."

Then again, that's understandable too. lilone Sandgrain has been the wildes' interpreter for over three years. Before that, she says, "I had other more managerial-type jobs. When I discovered working with them, I left such things behind. Gave the money up. This was worth my investment of self. Not some never-satisfied boss, even when I was overachieving. Office manager, sales manager, marketing director, that kinda crap. No regrets, even when rent’s due."

She laughs, as if thinking back on her entry into her life’s work. “One day my never-satisfied boss when I was marketing director and pulling in lots of company money; one day he got on my case for smoking a cig on my break. And I said, Mmmmm, no more. Walked out. Same day. Went full-time into this. Their loss. My crew’s gain.”

This brings me to a point I’ve wondered about, while talking and interacting with wilde Cunningham—how much their speech and actions are taken directly from what the members of wilde suggest, and how much of their decisions are actually shaped by lilone Sandgrain, the non-disabled woman at the controls?

“Honestly, before I say stuff,” lilone answers, “or even sometimes as I say stuff, I'm full putty in their hands. I toss out a lot of multiple choices, and others do too. I do interpret some for their sounds or gestures of approval/disapproval, and I gaze about the room constantly. I think they would say that I communicate accurately their wishes/minds in the high 90 [percent]. Some would give it tens. I ask daily on this… it’s my gift. In fact, if I may say so, my boss has told me how no one has had such a gifting with this group ever there, due to their communication challenges. But I think the key is, I know they are much deeper than I give them credit for, and I give them tons [already]. They are deep, you know. Most most deep.”

“You know,” I muse out loud, “I had thought to call any entry I write [on this] something like ‘The Nine Souls of Wilde Cunningham’. But it's actually more like there's ten.”

“Yeah,” lilone Sandgrain responds, “but I'm the mascot, if you’re counting me. That’s all I wanta be. Just the driver. Idea suggester.”

In the coming months, the wildes will learn to make something out of nothing. “I am going to be teaching them to build soon,” Toy LaFollette tells me, “and looking forward to it.”

But the immediate challenge is to improve their access. The care center computer is slow and stuttering, and prevents wilde Cunningham from performing even the most basic Second Life tasks. (Ironically, then, their computer is more disabled then they are.) Several residents have taken it on themselves to help raise funds. In this, they’re greatly helped by all lilone’s related in-world efforts. (Her latest wilde-related project is a scale recreation of the wildes at collective play in-world, located in Bolinas, 27, 133.)

To raise funds for the new computer, she says, “Folks just pay their [Second Life] profile. That’s what we have set up now. And 50% of the sales [at lilone’s] gift shop in here I give ‘um… they are about half way to a [new] computer. But there are some here who are passionate about helping them make it. Even before Christmas, I hear.

“But we will see,” lilone Sandgrain finishes. “They learn patience. They have no choice on that.”

After my initial interview with wilde Cunningham, I discover they’ve left a notecard in my inventory:

“The following was not covered in your questioning line but wilde would like included (with loud and strong group approval) the following:

"'As you've been kind to us, in spite of our challenges, so be kind to others in spite of their flaws. Every soul has its disabilities. When you run into someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, remember the golden rule.'"

With their permission, the wildes are depicted in the screenshots and photographs to the right. Photographs taken and generously provided here by lilone Sandgrain.

12/29: Belated thanks to Kim Anubis for being first to tip me on the tale of wilde. - HL